Ladie's Night on DWTS, Week One

Is it me or do the DWTS premiere weeks become more exhausting to watch each season?

Debi Mazar – The thing is it’s hard to watch Debi when Maksim is flashing that chest everywhere. While he’s a hottie, choreographing dances to make his partners look good is not Maks’ strong suit. His partners either have chemistry with them or they don’t. He does best with sexy dominatrix types who have large egos to match his. Leila Ali and Mel B come to mind. Mazar just doesn’t have what it takes to be his partner and it will be her downfall.

Melissa Joan Hart – Middle of the road. Not hopeless but a long shot.

Mya – Okay, I’m sorry but Len seriously screwed her over with a “5”. He penalized her by three points or so because of that “3 bar proper waltz” fetish of his…but Kelly Osborne got a lift and only lost one point. Truly unfair. But I have a feeling she’s going to have the last laugh.

Kathy Ireland – Too tall for Tony…and that’s really tall! Awkward and repressed. Won’t last long.

Natalie Coughlin – Her asset is that she’s one of those damned sports medalists who always end up winning. She has slinky moves, but needs to get her raunch on.

Macy Gray – This one pisses me off. The judges were way too nice to her talking about her “eccentric style”. If she couldn’t clear her schedule enough to commit to dance for the show, she shouldn’t have signed up for it. Period. Hey, I love her song “I Try”, but her dancing sucks; and she’s the female Master P. I hope she’s one of the first ones to go. And she seems to want to go. So let’s all be happy and boot her off the island.

Joanna Krupa – One of those sexy beautiful models that can dance like no one’s business. And THANK YOU, Joanna, for putting the sexy back into the salsa! I thought the show was renamed DANCING IN THE CONVENT.

Kelly Osborne – The surprise of the evening. I’ll admit it. I shook my head and said “Ugh” when I first heard she would be in the lineup, but I’ve grown to like her very fast. Her partner, Louis Van Amstel (Lisa Rinna’s former partner), is one of the best for making his partners look good. And with Kelly, he's been a fucking miracle worker.

Predictions for Week 1:

The ones to beat: Aaron Carter, Mark Dacascos, Donny Osmond, Mya, Joanna Krupa, Kelly Osborne

The ones that need to go NOW!: Chuck Lidell, Tom Delay, Macy Gray

Until next week...