The Diva Book Club
It's about time we start The Diva Book Club. Our first book, dear followers, is, "Are You There God? It's Me, Chloe." I'm sure it's destined to be a New York Times bestseller. Here is an excerpt:
Are you there God? It's me, Chloe. I need your help so I can choose between my two fuck buddies, Lucas and Daniel. Lucas is hot, but dumber than a box of rocks with a shrieking ex wife and a baby. Daniel is a horny doctor who feels up all his terminal patients. You can see why I'm having such a hard time deciding. With dummy Lucas, I have an instant family who loves me. With Daniel, I have hot sex, but he may dump me for another terminal patient some day.
On the other hand, I did have hot sex with Lucas in an elevator. But I also had hot sex with Daniel in Lucas' old apartment. Lucas has a romantic cabin in the woods, but it lacks indoor plumbing. I guess that's better than Daniel's front door exploding. I could have been hurt! Thanks God, for Lucas getting hurt in the explosion causing him to lose his memory. He forgot that I slept with Daniel! How lucky can a girl get?
So, God, is it too much to ask that I can keep both guys? I mean, Lucas will probably dump me for Sami somewhere down the line. Daniel will probably dump me for Ciara in a few years. So why can't I keep them both in the mean time?
Oh, and God...can you cook up another explosion for Kate, Victor, and Maggie?
Thanks! You are the best God ever!
xoxoxo
Chloe
You are too much Diva! I can't wait for the next gem you find.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me smile.
Signed - Diva fan from Australia
LMAO! The Diva Book Club, what a great idea! A perfect choice for your first selection! Do you think God is laughing his ass off too? God has much more important things to do than helping Chloe decide who to fuck, like he should be more concern with helping Daniel decide who to fuck next or who should be the next couple to try out Maggie's kitchen table!
ReplyDeleteI have a special request God. Please help out those sex starved over 40 people in Salem. It shouldn't take up too much of your time, as there are only a few of them left. They could really use your help.
Too funny!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the morning laugh! But I will not be buying this book.
ReplyDeleteGod needs to go Old Testament on Salem. Turn everyone under 35 plus Roman and Kate into pillars of salt and then bring back Steve/Kayla, Tony/Anna, Jack/Jennifer and Shane/Kim to take their places. Since Abigail, Jack, Jr., Jeanie and Andrew have not been around and thus not losers they can come back too.
ReplyDeleteForgot to add, I remember junior high, someone had Blume's "Forever" and that sure got passed around amongst us girls. Thanks for the nostalgia.
ReplyDeleteLMAO....that was too funny.
ReplyDeletehope Higley is reading cause this is so much better than anything she's writing
ReplyDeleteChloe, would you mind asking God for a little action for me? I haven't seen been touched since Daniel groped me during your exam. If you two are going to be making all of those noises and porno facial expressions everytime you get it on, the least you could do is get some action my way instead of letting your mouth and your va-jay-jay get it all. From the looks of Daniel's monkey lips, he could suck on me pretty good.
ReplyDeleteOMG..Chloe and God should not be mixed. It was like "Dear God give me the courage to screw another day". Someone at the show is smoking some strong stuff.
ReplyDelete